“You give loyalty, you will get it back. You give love, you will get it back.”
Often times we find ourselves in situations where we have to make decision(s) within seconds. Decisions which some times involve your partner.
Earlier today, on my way back to school having spent the weekend with my family, I met a very beautiful girl. A pretty one at the bus park. Tall, fair skinned, perfect curves: you would look at her more than once for sure!
The park was near empty and there was no bus to convey the small crowd already gathered and looking impatiently at their watches. While I was waiting, I could not help but take another glance at the beautiful girl there.
She had a worried look on her face and I assured her a bus will come. Right there, I found myself in a tight corner. I wanted to talk to her, very much so but I could not. “I have a girlfriend”, I told myself. Light skinned, as her, and also a pretty girl … but I still wanted to talk to her!
While I battled with my thoughts, the bus arrived. With a breath of relief everyone started moving towards it. She got into the bus first and sat at the second row while I was about going in. I had the opportunity to sit by her side but I did not.
Not sure why I did not, but I sat at her front instead, telling myself that I do not need to sit by her side and I certainly do not need to talk to her … though I still wanted to.
Ten minutes after the bus arrived we started our short journey, and looking back like I had something on my shoulder just to take a look her face, I saw her open a book. A Bible. The little blue one.
I smiled, plugged in my headphones and let Illbliss do ‘damage’ to my thinking. While the song changed to One Direction’s “Girl Almighty”, I went into thinking again.
‘Should I really have sat down by her side and engaged her in a conversation or not?’ ‘But, was talking to her even necessary?’ ‘Did I really need to?’ ‘If I had talked to her and I got interested in her, what would I have made of it?’ ‘Would I have “chyked” her or just had a normal conversation?’
Look! I am a guy. Normal conversations at some points turn to ‘information gathering’, which tells us what next to do. I could have told myself that ‘It’s all about discipline’, ‘It’s just a conversation’, but deep down I know, it’s probably a lie.
Now, imagine my girlfriend hears my thoughts, would that mean I have cheated on her? Or that I am a potential cheat? Would she be rational enough to understand that it would have just been a simple conversation?
Well, I got to my destination and “dropped” from the bus. Walking home, I smiled to myself upon realising that … I did not really need to talk to her. Remembering what a friend told me some time ago after lectures, he said: all girls are not “chykable”, all girls should not be talked to” and I understood that today.
Sometimes we get that urge to do something spontaneous. To be crazy. To talk to that girl. Telling ourselves that it is probably nothing, until we find ourselves in precarious situations and we have nothing but regret to keep us company. What I also came to realise is that it is a passive thing. Not something to dwell upon.
So, the day ends with me not talking to her, remembering that I have a very beautiful girlfriend whom I love so much, and that sometimes it is best things are left the way they are…
PS: she’s probably asleep and would have forgotten about me; the beautiful one from the park.